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James arrived at the sheds looking furious.
“What’s
the matter, James,” asked Thomas.
“Take a look at this,” said James. “ASSEMBLE” he shouted,
and a laptop flew out in front of him, and turned itself on.
“How on Earth did you do that,” asked Edward.
“These
voice recognition programs are wonderful things,” boasted James.
Percy chuckled. He was now glad that Angelis had
given him a similar voice to James.
“Microsoft Excel,” he shouted.
“What! No. Close,” shouted
James, and his laptop promptly obeyed. “Internet explorer….YouTube…..Thomas the tank engine. Oh I wish I
had arms, it’d be so much easier.”
“What’s a YouTube!” asked Thomas.
“It’s
a website where people can upload any video file they want for other people to watch and enjoy,” put in Edward wisely.
“But
unfortunately, half of these people don’t know the meaning of the word ‘enjoy’,” said James. “Watch
these.”
The engines watched several of the redubs; they were appalled at some of the rubbish that they came across.
“Disgraceful,” said Gordon.
“Disgustiing,” put in James.
“Load of bolloc…I mean,
Despicable,” finished Henry.
“Solitaire,” said Percy.
“NO! Close,” shouted James. “Stop
it now!”
“Oh, this is terrible,” said Thomas. “Is there any way to delete these horrendous videos?”
“We
could alert the authorities, but the idiots only upload them again after they’ve been deleted.”
“That’s
funny,” said Gordon. “A lot of these bad ones seem to be made by the same user; ‘KingofDevious57’.”
“KingofDevious57,
eh?” said Thomas. “Interesting.”
Thomas puffed along his branch line that day, wondering what he
could do about the YouTube! Issue. But try as he might, all he could think about was that episode of Coronation Street where
Richard drove the car into the canal. You remember it? Oh come on, you must do. It was brilliantly done, especially considering
how wooden the acting is in most soaps. Come on, it was brilliant. They all nearly drowned for goodness sake! No! Aaah you
know what I mean, you’ll be kicking yourself later when you remember it.
As Thomas passed an old, abandoned shed,
he heard some evil laughter, as well as the whirring of a computers CPU fan. He heard someone speaking incredibly loudly.
“There,
that should do it…let’s hear it, driver.”
Suddenly, Thomas heard the same thing being said again, although
this time much more loudly and distorted, to such an extent that it hurt Thomas’s ears that he doesn’t have.
“Excellent,”
said the voice. “Before long, everyone who visits YouTube! will see how bad these redubs are. They’ll believe
they’re real episodes, and be so appalled that they’ll stop buying Thomas and Friends dvds, hence removing half
of the funding for the North Western Railway, and in turn, it will have to close down and sell all of it’s steam engines
for scrap. Muhahahahaha!”
“But Diesel, what if you get found out.”
“Oh don’t worry, I
have a plan to deal with them.”
Thomas hurried away to find the Fat Controller, but as he arrived at the station,
his wife was standing on the platform crying.
“What’s wrong, flower?” asked Thomas’s driver.
“Oh
Mr. Driver,” she sobbed. “It was terrible. Topham fell into a coma after watching one of those God-awful redubs
on YouTube! The doctor said that the terrible sound quality has permantly damaged his hearing, as well as part of his brain
that makes him eat. He’ll lose weight excessively”
“Well, that last parts not too bad, is it?”
“Not
Bad! None of his suits will fit him anymore.”
“Well, there you are, see, you get to spend a day wiping his
credit card clean when buying him new suits from Marks and Spencers. Not all bad, is it?”
“A whole day…M&S….thank
you, you’ve cheered me up greatly.”
“Mark’s have got a sale on at the moment, you know.”
“Do
they really?”
“Yeah, managed to pick up this nice blue shirt at 70% of the price.”
“Topham’s
never liked blue shirts, you know. Say that they make him look like that giant blueberry kid off Willy Wonka!”
“Well
I won’t argue with him there,” said Thomas. “Oh yes, and to hell with Marks and Spencers, we have a railway
to save.”
But unfortunately, Thomas’s metrosexual driver was far too interested in talking about the sales
at Marks, so Thomas, who was glad he knew how to drive himself now, puffed back to the abandoned shed.
“Alright,
Diesel, the games up,” said Thomas as he barged in.
“What r u tlaking abote?” asked Diesel in a nOOb
voice.
“I heard your plan,” said Thomas. “You must stop making these horrendous redubs.”
“listen
what is ur problme wit me Thomas i try my bets to mkae good rebuds and u jsut say there rubibsh, it’s nto easy to mkea
rebuds stpo poutting me dwon, i have had a hard life i got snet away after sir tpoham hatt told me of for lieing then i was
cent to a raleway where the controller teated me like carp so just levae me alone nwo allrite
Thomas’s heart melted.
Diesel’s ‘innocent and distressed nOOb’ strategy had worked. Thomas puffed away with a tear in his eye,
whilst Diesel smirked with triumph.
“Slpendid, I mean Splendid!”
Thomas told the other engines about
what had happened, but they’d all lost interest in that now; they were too pre-occupied watching James playing PacMan
on his laptop.
“Get the fruit,” said Henry.
“I don’t wanna get the fruit.”
“Come
on, get the fruit, it gets you more points.”
“I can’t get it, there’s a ghost there.”
“Look,
just get the fruit man.”
“I’M NOT GONNA GET THE FRUIT! I’m not gonna get it!”
“Exit
Pac-Man,” said Percy. And the computer went back to James’s desktop background of that power ranger who supposedly
went into the gay porn industry.
“Erm…YOU IDIOT PERCY, I was on the roll of a high score there.”
Thomas
suddenly had a bright idea. The whole night, he kept the other engines awake, speaking of how he knew everything and he was
revolutionary. By sunrise, they had had enough.
“Stop it Thomas,” said Duck, “You sound exactly like
Diesel.”
“Excellent,” said Thomas in a Mr. Burns style voice. And with that, he puffed away to the abandoned
shed.
Diesel was just in the middle of his master plan; a horrendous redub of the great, classic episode ‘Better
Late Than Never’ when Thomas rolled in. He just stood there.
“lsiten jsut levae me alon i’m scki of u
dissing my rebuds, i cna’t help it thta…what are you doing.”
“Exit Windows explorer,” said
Thomas in an oily voice.
The laptop obediently did so. Diesel’s smirk turned upside down into a big frown.
“Disable
virus protection,” he continued.
“No, don’t listen to him,” shouted Diesel. But it was too late.
With Diesel’s broadband connection, his computer soon had more viruses inside it than a prost…a very sick person
(Due to Government requirements that section had to be edited)
“Hurl yourself into the sink,” added
Thomas, as the laptop promptly did, disabling all it’s circuitry.
“Stop, Thomas, okay, I’ll stop the
rebuds…blast, redubs, just stop it!”
“Throw yourself into Diesel’s cab,” said Thomas. The
laptop did so.
“No..You wouldn’t…YOU WOULDN’T!”
Thomas smirked.
“Self destruct!”
“NNOOOOOOO”
KABOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!!!!!!!
Thomas
smiled to himself. The world was now a safer place.
That night, the Fat Slim yet baggy- clothed Controller came
to the sheds.
“I have some good news,” he said. “The doctors have managed to fix my brain, by taking
part of Mr. Percival’s out; it’s not like he was using it! Anyway, I should be back to my old chubby self within
a few weeks.”
“That’s good, I won’t have to learn another new name,” said Percy. “I’m
already struggling to remember Rosie, Jeremy, Cocky, Spongebob and all those other guys.”
“And thank you Thomas
for destroying KingofDevious57. However, this is only the beginning. As long as there is YouTube! There will always be bad
redubs.”
“Oh well,” said Thomas. “I’ve helped get rid of some; I’ll leave someone else
to deal with the rest of them!”
The Edn….I mean, The End
WRITER’S NOTE: I have
been asked to say this under *gun clicks* my own free will! There are in fact several good redubs on YouTube! Such as Buzz
Buzz, Gordon and Spencer and Thomas Comes to Breakfast. Check these out for great entertainment that you won’t regret
watching.*Gun Clicks again* As well as several Billy Connelly parody clips!
Tune in again next week for Thomas and
the Wikipedia Spammers!
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