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Ever since Thomas went off to his branch line there were only
the big engine who would do the shunting. Edward didn’t mind this but the other tender engines wouldn’t even lift
a buffer to help him. They’d fart around and state that shunting is not a job for tender engines, but for common tank
engines. So because of this they saw Edward as a traitor and he wasn’t a member of the Legion of Tender Engines; a group
that only consisted of Henry, Gordon and James.
The LTE had been shut up at the sheds for refusing to shunt and had
been ‘tortured and abused’ by the Fat Controller. Gordon couldn’t exactly remember why Henry was part of
the LTE but when he was about to ask him TFC turned up.
“I hope you are all sorry” he said. “As you
see we have a new tank engine here to help us called Percy. He’s a smart little green engine with four wheels and has
helped to pull the coaches while Thomas and Edward have worked the Main Line while you lot have been exiled here. You can
all come out now but only if you promise that this ‘no shunting nonsense’ will stop, you’ve got that Henry?”
“Yes
sir.”
“Gordon?”
“Yes sir.”
“James?”
There was a short silence. “JAMES!?”
“Y-yes
sir, got it.”
Shortly after TFC gave Thomas, Edward and Percy the message that they could play on the line for
a few days while the LTE do all the dirty work. Thomas used this time to seize the opportunity to challenge Bertie for another
race and puffed down to find him.
“Are you up for another gear-grinding race then Bertie old pal?”
“Sorry
but I’ll have to decline Thomas.”
“Why?”
“I’m too exhausted, yesterday some fat
whale got on me and went to the back. When I climbed up the hill near Ffarquar I could hardly get up the summit and was stranded.
We then had to tempt the blubber with some fish and chips and he finally got off me. I then had to be towed home.”
“Are
you sure that it wasn’t Topham who got on the bus?”
“No it looked more like John Prescott, or Ricky Tomlinson,
or even Mr Blobby.”
“Alright I get the point, fully heard and understood, I’ll challenge you next time.”
“OK
see you later.”
“Bye Bertie, (whispers) lazy b*stard.”
Back on the line Edward had gone to the
Quarry leaving Percy on his own. Before leaving he warned
“Whistle to the signalman to let him know you’re
there. If you don’t you could get in trouble or even not make it out alive.” After scaring the wit out of Henry
with his whistling he dumped some trucks into a siding and then waited quietly on the Main Line.
“Let’s see
Edward said that I must thistle here or something. No that can’t be right. Hmm… fizzle? missile? Kiss’le?”
Then suddenly Percy whistled in fright as coming straight towards them was Gordon with the Express. “Arrrggghhh! I’m
going to die; Edward was right I’m not going to make it. And where‘s that d**n signalman?”
“Oh
dear we’re screwed.” exclaimed his driver.
“I don’t want to die young either so let’s scarper.”
And
the driver and fireman darted from Percy’s cab.
“Am I dead yet?” asked Gordon.
“No but you will
be when I get my buffers on you.” grumbled Gordon who was staring at him inches away.
“I must be in hell, I
don’t want to stay here I’m going to run away.” And so Percy whizzed straight up Gordon’s hill on
his own with no idea if he was dead or alive.
So where was the signalman earlier on? After Percy squealed with horror
he could’ve made the quick move and changed the points allowing Percy to his freedom but he took no action. Little did
they know that the signalman was on the toilet reading last month’s edition of Nuts. When Percy screamed it surprised
him and he tried to clean himself up a little before finding out. However when he got to the control room he was too late
and could only see Percy toiling away in the distance.
“Bloody hell not again, I hope nothing else will disturb me
when I’m on the crapper again.” grumbled the signalman as he hopped back to the lavatory with his trousers around
his ankles.
After tackling Gordon’s Hill backwards Percy was still running and all it to save him was a kind
signalman that sent him into a siding with a bank of earth on the end. Percy was very tired after the run but from another
perspective looked as if he’s relived himself. Just then Gordon rolled in with the safety rope.
“Am I in heaven
yet?” asked Percy.
“Well done Percy, you’ve started so quickly that you’ve stopped a nasty accident.”
“But you stopped inches away from me before I left so that doesn’t count as an accident.”
“Shhhhh
go with the script and you’re not dead either so please follow your lines.”
“OK then. I was sorry that
I were cheeky. It was clever for you to stop.”
And so Gordon pulled him heroically out of the mud.
Just then
the signalman popped down to see how things are going for Percy.
“Is everything going on well here chaps?”
“Yeah
and you?” said Gordon’s driver.
“Fine for me too. But I can’t help thinking that Andrew down the
line has been acting strangely. I lent him my Nuts magazine to read and haven’t got it back in a month. And then this
cheeky green chap here comes rolling down here and I got no call from him about the warning.”
“Strange.”
replied the driver. “Perhaps Andrew ought to get a visit from Sir Topham Hatt next week. I guess this isn’t the
first time Andrew led us into trouble.
And so we conclude with Percy acknowledging himself as a cheeky engine but always
remembering to be extra careful on the main line. As for Andrew he’s become more alert when controlling the signal box
after The Fat Controller paid him a visit and confiscated the magazines.
Then we end the parody with a still of Thomas
with the end credits scrolling over his face like in the original.
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