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As the return of the Railway Series beckons, there is no better
time to talk to the man who still serves a big role in the TV series despite out-cries from die-hard fans it's his number
one engine. Known for his size, railway and his ever-growing number of lost hats, we talk to Sir Topham Hatt.
JimBobDunnie:
Well, good to see you Sir Topham Hatt.
The Fat Controller: Why, would you say that my dear JimBob?
JBD:
It means I'm not blind for a start...
TFC: I see.
JBD: Whey, your not blind
neither then! High five!
TFC: Erm...I see.
JBD: Sorry, bit over exited then.
Anyways, what were your first thoughts of the Railway Series' return?
TFC: Meh, so so.
JBD:
...is that it?
TFC: More or less, yes.
JBD: ...we've paid money just for you
to say so-so?
TFC: What do you want me to do, lie?
JBD: How much would you
say if you did just that?
TFC: Well, loads. I'd make it up on the spot, wouldn't I?
JBD:
Do that then?
TFC: What? Lie to the public?!
JBD: Whats the big deal? Everyone
does it these days...
TFC: They do?
JBD: Of course they do!
TFC:
Go on then, name one.
JBD: Name one what?
TFC: A liar! Who lies?
JBD:
Someone's lied?
TFC: Thats what you told me!
JBD: Who's lied?
TFC:
You tell me!
JBD: No, I asked first.
TFC: Oh, never mind. Whats your next
question?
JBD: The question is, Topham, whats your question?
TFC: Hm?
JBD:
Oh, I'm just fooling with you.
TFC: I heard Mr.T pities fools.
JBD: At how
much?
TFC: Oh, stop this malarkey.
JBD: Right-o. Our next question are about
the developments in the discovery of cuts in the Magic Railroad film...
TFC: Oh...that...
JBD:
Do you find something wrong with the findings, Topham?
TFC: No, I'm talking about the film in general.
JBD:
Well, it is considered by many as a box-office flop.
TFC: Ah, bah to all that. The only reason that
film was created was because I left the Island for one bleeding month. I left that Allcroft, Mitton and that young rapscallion
Baldwin with strict instructions not to make a Hollywood film. And look what they...
JBD: Hang on,
hold that thought there. You left three people in charge of your business, I must emphasis the whole business point here,
with rules not to make a film? What about 'Don't trash the place' or 'I counted the change in the glove compartment'?
TFC:
Well...I wanted to be original.
JBD: Didn't work though, did it?
TFC: ...not
really.
JBD: Topham, they went against the only rule you made and did it badly. Surely you must've
punished them? I mean, if someone did that when I had told them not to the unlucky beggar would be rubbing my feet for a week.
TFC:
Hey, Britt promised to take me out on a date! Then before I knew it she left! Broke my heart it did...
JBD:
I like to see it as you being saved.
TFC: What on earth do you mean man?!
JBD:
Well...*ahem*...she's not exactly...well...young is she?
TFC: And whats wrong with the older woman?
JBD:
Hey, if its what you swing for that's that. And for my point of second, your married!
TFC: Never stopped
Henry the Eighth, or Charles for that matter.
JBD: Ah, but their the monarchy in some way. Their more
or less bullet proof.
TFC: True that...
JBD: Topham, have you seen my bananular
phone?
TFC: No, whats so good about it?
JBD: It's appealing
TFC:
I see, and what features does it have?
JBD: Not only can you make calls on it, you can eat it too!
TFC:
Interesting
JBD: You can call for pizza, you can call your cat, you can call the White House and have
a chat! You can place a call around the world.
*Puts phone to ear*
JBD: Operator, get
me Beijing!
Interview paused as crew try to convince JimBob banana is not phone.
JBD:
Well Topham, to end my questionnaire, is your car diesel or petrol?
TFC: Diesel.
JBD:
Diesel?
TFC: Yes. What does this have to do with anything?
JBD: Oh nothing...if
its diesel does that mean it would do a lot of damage if I...I...Ioan, for example, put petrol in it?
TFC:
It would ruin the motor so much I would have to spend thousands to buy a new one.
JBD: Erm...well
folks hope you enjoyed this interview. I shall now be making a hasty ex...
TFC: Hang on...you haven't
filled my car with diesel have you?
Interview End
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